Tinder is starting to feel like a full-time job (with no pay or benefits), and I am summarily EXHAUSTED.
So…about last night: As you may recall, I was really looking forward to this one, due to our great text chemistry, common interests and his forethought in planning out the evening (always a perk). And indeed, the evening went off without a hitch. He may have at one point been a “Bro” (see Day 13), but he was also sweet, tall and obviously making a concerted effort to show me a good time. For the most part, I did – and yet, I ended the evening feeling that after 5+ hours, there was a missed opportunity to connect.
I’m often asked if, after all these years, I still get nervous before I perform. I say yes, and I hope I always do, because if I don’t, it means I don’t care enough. If I don’t care, I shouldn’t be on the stage, because I’m there to connect with my audience, and I can’t do that if I don’t care.
Now, I certainly wouldn’t accuse this guy — a self-described nice Jewish boy from Long Island (and he was) — of not caring. In fact, maybe he cared too much, which is why he’d done his research. So, I don’t know if it was just nerves, or the fact that he’d admittedly Googled me (no harm there), but he didn’t ask me very much about myself during that five hours. As a result, while I can tell you about at least five of his favorite films, where he went to camp, his mother’s culinary specialty, his mentors, his friends’ tailgating activities, and the short film he wrote about his biggest heartbreak, I doubt he could he tell you whether or not I have siblings, who my biggest musical influences are, or what my latest creative endeavor entails.
In fact, I never even found enough space in the conversation to tell him that I’m writing about my Tinder experiences, so…I won’t say much more.
But what I will say is something every performer already knows – or should. Performing isn’t a presentation; it’s an exchange. Your performance is only ever as good as your connection with your audience, and when you’ve gained their acceptance and appreciation, the energy is almost palpable…and often, very sexy.
Now, the irony of me complaining about someone not asking me about myself while I’m writing about myself is not lost on me; clearly, I’m my own favorite subject to discuss. But I’ve been in this scenario before – and inevitably, this kind of imbalance in the beginning only deepens if/when things progress. Yes, this guy is clearly starring in his own cinematic masterpiece, but so too am I the leading lady in mine, so, if we’re not each able to concede a bit of screen time, riding off into the sunset is likely not our destiny. Very nice guy, though.
So…on to Date #3, this afternoon in Soho. Frankly, I should probably be taking a nap (since I feel like I’m coming down with something), but as this date is actually the first match I made on Tinder, I’m curious to see in person what attracted me to his profile. As always, wish me luck (and safety); I’ll be back to tell the tale.