This week’s lesson: Never judge a “Bro” by his cover.

Yes, I’m back in “Tinderland”—after two blissful weeks in my hometown, gorging myself on home cooking, family, jazz and sunshine. Not that it was all play and no work; after all, I did manage to finally get this blog up and running.

And so it is that I return to the overwhelming world of online dating with a new, very public online presence of my own. “Full disclosure” just took on a whole new dimension.

Two weeks away can be very telling, though. When I left New York last month, I was fresh off of a flurry of first and second dates with a small but varied assortment of men—and grateful for the time and space to reflect and reassess my options before anything progressed further. (Presumably, they were doing the same.)

I returned to NY with not only a new blog, but a few new prospects. I also have a renewed appreciation for consistency, thanks to the frequent—and funny—check-ins of “The Bro” (who I might have to rename “The Beau,” because he is so affable and attentive). He may be a jock, but he is also most definitely a gentleman—and I am happily eating my words. (They’re delicious).

Indeed, he is turning out to be one of those rare birds whose friendship I’d genuinely be sad to lose, should romance not be in the cards. Honestly, I’m still not sure if it is; but our third date is this weekend, so we shall see.

By contrast, I haven’t heard a word from “Mr. Clean” (formerly known as the “Silver Fox”) in at least a week—which does not bode well for a woman who spends 1-2 weeks away from home per month, on average. Come to think of it, I also haven’t heard from the previously engaging “Sondheim,” with whom I felt such a connection—but admittedly, no physical sparks. Maybe the lack of heat was mutual.

The truth is, I don’t really care; which is telling, in and of itself.

I know. I probably sound terribly callous and/or cavalier—maybe even bitter. But I promise you, I’m not; far from it. I’m simply ambivalent, a bit relieved and frankly, haven’t given it much thought. I’m not sure if it’s my general lack of expectations or the fact that the effort shown by the Bro/Beau has been significant enough to far outpace any other contenders, but I’m feeling pretty okay with whatever is right now.

Also, I don’t believe in coincidences; I haven’t for quite some time. These days, I believe in the natural ebb and flow of things. I don’t believe that people are disposable or replaceable; but I do believe that some things—and people—simply fall away while others stay. Bottom line: If my playing field has narrowed somewhat, it was supposed to.

Hookup rep aside, what Tinder is great for is reminding you that there are plenty of other options and opportunities to explore. For now, I’m staying the course and staying open. I’m even thinking of broadening my horizons a bit—but more on that later.

For now, I have a coffee-and-pastry first date tomorrow with “Nine Lives” (see Day 34), and a third date with the Bro/Beau this weekend, so possibilities abound…

I’ll try to remain steady. You stay tuned.

  • Well, I read the Vanity Fair piece and as a friend once removed and your elder (by a mere 14 years) I was going to admonish you with fear-based Mama Bear platitudes. However, you are carrying on your experiment(?) with a lovely applomb and maturity and of course humor. It’s delightful and insightful and trust me, you are in the awesome years.

    • Mai

      So far (just shy of five months in), so good…

  • Jen

    Team Bro/Beau!
    Love this, Mai. Killing it as always.

    • Mai

      You know, I’m definitely a fan of the Bro, but it’s unclear if we’re meant to be a team. I really dig his passion about what he does, but am not entirely sure that I share enough of that interest. Since I think everyone deserves a partner that can be their biggest cheerleader, that’s not a small thing to me.

  • Yay for “Forty on Fleek”. Whether romance has yet found its way in the cards or not, I’m glad to see you’re the one holding the cards. Thanks for letting us stroll through Tinderland with you. It seems a natural attraction is developing between Bro/Beau and you. I’m looking forward to the next installment. Enjoy yourself.

    • Mai

      Thanks! There are some twists and turns surfacing in this plot I call my life, so stay tuned…and thank you so much for riding with me!

  • Alicia G.

    Definitely a case of you can’t win them all (and you really don’t want to). I think the course you’re on so far is pretty optimistic. No super offensive people so far and you might really make some new and great friends!

    • Mai

      Honestly, if I could develop friendships with all (or at least, most) of them, I would. I may not feel the heat, but I definitely like them. Unfortunately, that’s apparently not why anyone–especially any man–is on Tinder.

About the author

Who me? I’m just your average Grammy-nominated goddess next door. May I borrow a cup of sugar?

But seriously: I’m a musician, model, writer, all-around creative and devoted auntie. Like you, I’m just out here in the universe, trying to make it happen…whatever that is.